Permission to Coach?

I've been coaching using the GROW model for nearly 20 years now. When I was first introduced to it back in the days of running coaching workshops at NAB, it really leaned into this idea: say less, ask more, and practice silence. These are the hallmarks of great coaching.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it’s not what the individual needs.

We can fall into the trap of believing the coaching approach is always the best way forward. And while it’s often the most useful, it’s not always the most appropriate and crucially, it’s not always invited.

In our Leader as Coach program, we talk with participants about two key concepts.

1. When not to coach

Not every moment is a coaching moment.

I once worked with a leader who, no matter what issue I brought to him, would always respond with, “Well, what do you think?” And while that’s a classic coaching move, sometimes I’d find myself thinking, I wouldn't be asking if I hadn’t already thought it through! What I actually needed in that moment was access to information I didn’t have something he had.

So how do you know when to coach, versus when to guide, instruct, or give answers?

A useful lens is Ken Blanchard’s Situational Leadership model. It prompts us to assess where someone sits in terms of skill and will. Are they new and unsure? You might need to direct. Are they capable and confident? Delegate. Are they capable but stuck? That’s often where coaching works best.

The goal isn’t to default to coaching every time it’s to match your approach to their needs.

2. Get permission to coach

Even when coaching is the right approach, jumping into it too quickly can backfire.

Imagine someone coming to you with a problem, and instead of listening or offering help, you immediately start asking probing questions. That can feel disorienting or even defensive, especially if they’re not ready to be coached in that moment.

That’s why I’ve developed a habit of asking for permission to coach.

It doesn’t need to be formal. It can sound like:

“Would you like to work through how to approach this?”

• “I’ve got a few minutes now do you want to unpack it together?”

• “Do you want me to listen or help you think it through?”

• What would be most useful right now? 

This small step gives people choice and autonomy and creates the space for a more productive coaching conversation.